Sitting on the right of my host at a pre-covid dinner party, I was rather taken-aback when he leaned forward and fiddled with my decollate. Not that we are alone in the deafness stakes. He (cracking up): ‘ No, it’s some chap telling his elderly father not to fast.’ Me, half-listening to the radio: ‘ Are they telling us how to make masks?’ ‘ Yes, those smart moth things you got last year, they worked quite well before.’ He, absently: ‘ But they collect a lot of dead bodies.’ Me: ‘ I’ve decided against getting one of those new smart mop things they’ve been advertising on tele…’ Deafness is another area of hot competition whose is worse? Forget the miss-speaks of Hillary Clinton infamy, miss-hears are an hourly occurrence in our house.